Thursday, July 16, 2015

The wrong/right day

I knew the runway we were going into was the shortest and one of the most difficult strips in north Borneo. But when, on short final, I could make it disappear out the cockpit window behind my thumb, I grabbed the seat tight.

Brad  flew the plane perfectly onto the runway and brought it to a stop halfway down the dirt strip. We stepped out into the calm, sunny morning, surrounded by gorgeous jungle and mountains. Here we were, listening to birds chirp and bees buzz around our heads.
But I was a mess.

Brad does these kinds of flights all the time. And most days while I’m home on this small island breaking up fights over Legos, I don’t even think about what it must be like to fly single-engine planes into tight valleys in uncontrolled airspace over unforgiving jungles.

But that recent day that I got to fly with Brad, I couldn’t help but think how everything can go so wrong.
Actually, the reason we went into that strip on that day was for Brad to show me where he’d had one of his hardest days of flying last year when he was called for a Med-evac flight. And not just a hard day of flying. His airplane broke, so then Brad had to hike to a remote village of four rustic homes, where he spent the night, to wake up the next day and hike over a mountain ridge to get to a village where another MAF plane could pick him up. It was a long, lonely night, followed by a long, lonely hike, followed by a long, but not-so-lonely few months.

I’ll spare you the technical details of what happened that day, but this much is true.
Everything went wrong that day. And everything went right.

As Brad and I walked along the airstrip, he relived with me some of that hard day. But not just the hard stuff. He told me about the grace stuff. The words, Brad believed, God spoke in his heart. The thankfulness Brad spoke, out loud, to God. He knew immediately that that day was a beginning of many good things. And eventually, when we had some perspective, we discovered it was an ending—a healing—to many hard things, too.
Let me just tell you, there have been some wrong, hard things in these years I’ve spent in Indonesia. When you live and work among so many broken systems, it’s hard to ever feel like anything can be made right—including the stuff in my own heart. And honestly, I have a hard time separating out the things that happen to others from the toll it takes on me and my family. This is our home. My kids have grown up here. My husband risks his life here. So much is at stake for us, personally. This country, its people, its cultures, they fill my heart. But so many times, they also break it.

So, when a dear friend dies in a completely preventable accident or a Med-evac patient ends up not making it, sometimes it can feel like the only thing we can count on is that things will go wrong.
There have been moments when most of what I’ve heard in my mind were doubts and disappointments, lies and fears. And some of the hardest things have happened recently—just these past couple of years when you’d think all these years of being here would provide some kind of buffer. But time and experience don’t take away all the questions I’ve had about the wrong in this world. Sometimes they just take away the naïve optimism that things can actually get better…and that we can make a difference.

Yet, I see now, that though sometimes everything goes wrong…everything is also going right. Often in the same moment.
I’d call that grace.

Sometimes the best things come from the hardest moments. Sometimes the depth we so wish for in our lives, in our seeking of God, in our relationships with others come when we have to sink into darkness for a while.

Sometimes the wholeness and healing we seek comes through brokenness.

A couple years ago, when I was particularly burned out, I started searching for the later parts of stories. I looked into the lives of people who I’d seen go through something completely hopeless—and usually preventable—and looking for how they’d survived, how they’d grown, how they’d made life happen again.
I saw a woman who’d endured being abused by her husband, growing a deep compassion for those who suffer. I saw how a death in a family can be the start of a richer, more God-seeking life for those who remained. I saw how a girl with seizures and brain issues that seemed to have no cure become a strong young woman, and how she carried building supplies an MAF plane brought so she could help build a tiny jungle church.  I saw how a friend’s repeated miscarriages paved the way for a choice to adopt.
I see myself, more fragile than ever, finally knowing my valuable worth.
You must know, that some of the stories aren’t over yet. The hope still seems very distant in those lives. And  honestly, some days I still doubt in my own place, my own purpose in this midst of all this. But I can say, that my once very-small-and-once-shrinking-faith is growing again.
After some recent hard days in my life, I can confidently say that good—really big good—can come out of the worst kind of bad. And though I wish there would never have to be suffering ever, there’s something amazing about the goodness, hope, heart change that can come out of pain and loss. Beauty is at its most stunning when it rises from the ashes.

Looking back, that wrong/right day was also the worst/best day of my year. And this hard/good life is also the one I’m both fighting for/surrendering every day I’m here. And this growing/deepening faith I have now has come about in the vulnerability/hope of life here.

30 comments:

  1. Thanks for posting this, and for your perspective. I've very recently been challenged by God in prayer to not just pray against the hard things, but for the good that can come out of them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anna, thank you so much for taking the time to comment. I love that prayer!

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  2. Your words echo what I have been learning these past few years. Thank you for sharing. It was an encouragement to me. You are right that Beauty is at its most stunning as it rises from the ashes.

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  16. Powerful Effective Love Spell Get Your Ex Back About a month ago I got back to my ex(after 2 and half years separated).Everything was ok and she was the most adorable woman in the world. she spoke about wedding ceremony, how many kids we would have, said that our relationship was the most important thing in her life and he was 100% sure about it…Then he traveled to work in other country for 3 weeks. he changed his behavior completely. he disappeared every night, was saying she had to do some work and would talk to me later, but disappeared the rest of the day and night… no explanation, when I asked why she was disappearing every night, she stopped answering me. she’s ignoring me since last week, April 15. she ignored even my birthday, that was April 16. Not even a message. I wrote to her a few times trying to understand what happened, she read but just ignored me.I feel so bad cause I couldn’t stop contacting and trying to understand what happened.i loved her so much and wanted to get her back, then i was told to contact happylovespell2@gmail.com who can help out with a love spell to reunite your relationship back, so instantly do contact him and give him a try and trust me he did an urgent effective love spell for me and with 46hours promise he made to me, my woman was back, today i testify to you all that you should seek and contact Dr happy for his spell result is genuine sure and guarantee unite and get your ex back save your marriage/relationship problem now, email happlovespell2@gmail.com you can also know more about his spell Blogs site.http://happylovespel.blogspot.com.ng/ Whatsapp/cal +2348133873774

    ReplyDelete



  17. My Dear friends online, My name is amanda bella And i live in USA, ohio, I have to give this miraculous testimony, which is so unbelievable until now. I had a problem with my Ex husband 2 years ago, which lead to our break up. I was not myself again, i felt so empty inside me, my love and financial situation became worst, until a close friend of mine told me about a spell caster who helped her in the same problem too his name is Doctor Jude. I email the spell caster and i told him my problem and i did what he asked of me, to cut the long story short. Before i knew what was happen, less than two days my husband gave me a call and told me that he was coming back to me i was so happy to have him back to me. The most interesting part of the story is that am pregnant. Thanks to Doctor jude for saving my marriage and for also saving others own too. Continue your good work, If you are interested to contact the great spell caster email address: liberationlovespell@gmail.com or contact him on whatsapp +2348034062173

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  18. My Dear friends online, My name is amanda bella And i live in USA, ohio, I have to give this miraculous testimony, which is so unbelievable until now. I had a problem with my Ex husband 2 years ago, which lead to our break up. I was not myself again, i felt so empty inside me, my love and financial situation became worst, until a close friend of mine told me about a spell caster who helped her in the same problem too his name is Doctor Jude. I email the spell caster and i told him my problem and i did what he asked of me, to cut the long story short. Before i knew what was happen, less than two days my husband gave me a call and told me that he was coming back to me i was so happy to have him back to me. The most interesting part of the story is that am pregnant. Thanks to Doctor jude for saving my marriage and for also saving others own too. Continue your good work, If you are interested to contact the great spell caster email address: liberationlovespell@gmail.com or contact him on whatsapp +2348034062173

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  19. My Dear friends online, My name is amanda bella And i live in USA, ohio, I have to give this miraculous testimony, which is so unbelievable until now. I had a problem with my Ex husband 2 years ago, which lead to our break up. I was not myself again, i felt so empty inside me, my love and financial situation became worst, until a close friend of mine told me about a spell caster who helped her in the same problem too his name is Doctor Jude. I email the spell caster and i told him my problem and i did what he asked of me, to cut the long story short. Before i knew what was happen, less than two days my husband gave me a call and told me that he was coming back to me i was so happy to have him back to me. The most interesting part of the story is that am pregnant. Thanks to Doctor jude for saving my marriage and for also saving others own too. Continue your good work, If you are interested to contact the great spell caster email address: liberationlovespell@gmail.com or contact him on whatsapp +2348034062173

    ReplyDelete
  20. My name is Handford Ann,i base in canada.i want to share my wonderful testimony on how i got back my ex-lover of my life back, he left me for another woman for no reason and i try to make things work for both of us yet things where getting worse and i love him so much and there is nothing i could do to get my ex back until i met a testimony share by Maria from USA on the internet talking about a powerful spell caster who brought his ex lover back within 48hours and i decide to give it a try and to my greatest surprise he also did it for me just as he did for Maria and i have a lot of people complaining of fake spell caster but this one i met was a real spell caster who help me to solve my problem i have no solution to,i introduce many of my best friends that have a similar problems,and their problem were solve with the great help of Dr.Trust. They get back their ex within 48 hours. I am so happy that my ex is back to me again,and the most surprise,is that our love is very strong,every day is happiness and joy. and there is nothing like been with the man you love.i am so happy my love is back to me with the help of Dr.Trust. If you have any problem in your relationship i will advice you to contact him now (Ultimatespellcast@yahoo.com or Ultimatespellcast@gmail.com) His website for more testimony of him: http://utimatespellcast.blogspot.com Call or Text him now +1(317) 762-7416

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  21. My name is Handford Ann,i base in canada.i want to share my wonderful testimony on how i got back my ex-lover of my life back, he left me for another woman for no reason and i try to make things work for both of us yet things where getting worse and i love him so much and there is nothing i could do to get my ex back until i met a testimony share by Maria from USA on the internet talking about a powerful spell caster who brought his ex lover back within 48hours and i decide to give it a try and to my greatest surprise he also did it for me just as he did for Maria and i have a lot of people complaining of fake spell caster but this one i met was a real spell caster who help me to solve my problem i have no solution to,i introduce many of my best friends that have a similar problems,and their problem were solve with the great help of Dr.Trust. They get back their ex within 48 hours. I am so happy that my ex is back to me again,and the most surprise,is that our love is very strong,every day is happiness and joy. and there is nothing like been with the man you love.i am so happy my love is back to me with the help of Dr.Trust. If you have any problem in your relationship i will advice you to contact him now (Ultimatespellcast@yahoo.com or Ultimatespellcast@gmail.com) His website for more testimony of him: http://utimatespellcast.blogspot.com Call or Text him now +1(317) 762-7416

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  22. My name is Dr. Ikhine, I have practiced magic for a very long time! I have the experience and expertise to cast the most powerful white magic spells and guide your life to success and happiness. My psychic abilities to analyze your case and to cast a patented spells will give you the fastest and best results possible! With every single love spell I cast, it's an army of positive and powerful energies that rises to win the battle for you email: Dr. Ikhine via agbadado@gmail.com or WhatsApp +2347038832903.

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  23. My names are Ashley Vivian, Am here to share a testimony on how Dr Raypower helped me. After 1/5 year relationship with my boyfriend, he changed suddenly and stopped contacting me regularly, he would come up with excuses of not seeing me all the time. He stopped answering my calls and my sms and he stopped seeing me regularly. I then started catching him with different girls several times but every time he would say that he love me and that he needed some time to think about our relationship. But cannot stop thinking about him so i decided to go online and i saw so many good talk about this spell caster called Dr Raypower and i contact him and explain my problems to him. He cast a love spell for me which i use and after 24 hours, my boyfriend came back to me and started contacting me regularly and we moved in together after a few months and he was more open to me than before and he started spending more time with me than his friends. We eventually got married and we now have been married happily for 3 years with a son. Ever since Dr Raypower helped me, my partner is very stable, faithful and closer to me than before.You can also contact this spell caster and get your relationship fix Email: urgentspellcast@gmail.com see more reviews about him on his website: http://urgentspellcast.website2.me Call or WhatsApp: +1 (424) 330-8109

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  24. POWERFUL AND KIND LOVE SPELL CASTER
    am here to share with you my life experience on how a great man called Dr gbojie saved me and my marriage.I have been Married & Barren for for 5 years i had no child. i have never been pregnant i was a subject of laughter from my Friends & neighbors, i almost lost my marriage because of this issue.i was so confused that i did not know what to do until i came across this great Dr online and i contacted him at once i was scared weather it was going to work because i never believed things like this before, so i decided to give it a try and i did all what Dr gbojie asked of me and today to my greatest surprise i took in the first time and i gave birth to a bouncing baby boy and now my marriage that was about crashing before is now restored. my husband now love and want me better, Am so happy for everything that have been happening in my life since i met this Dr gbojie .I want to tell all the women/men out there who have a similar situation like mine,that the world is not over YET they should dry up their tears and contact this great man and their problem will be gone or are you also having other problems you can also contact Dr gbojie , here is how you can contact him gbojiespiritualtemple@gmail.com or contact him via his whatsapp phone number +2349066410185.or contact him on his website : http://gbojiespiritualtemple.website2.me


































































    POWERFUL AND KIND LOVE SPELL CASTER
    am here to share with you my life experience on how a great man called Dr gbojie saved me and my marriage.I have been Married & Barren for for 5 years i had no child. i have never been pregnant i was a subject of laughter from my Friends & neighbors, i almost lost my marriage because of this issue.i was so confused that i did not know what to do until i came across this great Dr online and i contacted him at once i was scared weather it was going to work because i never believed things like this before, so i decided to give it a try and i did all what Dr gbojie asked of me and today to my greatest surprise i took in the first time and i gave birth to a bouncing baby boy and now my marriage that was about crashing before is now restored. my husband now love and want me better, Am so happy for everything that have been happening in my life since i met this Dr gbojie .I want to tell all the women/men out there who have a similar situation like mine,that the world is not over YET they should dry up their tears and contact this great man and their problem will be gone or are you also having other problems you can also contact Dr gbojie , here is how you can contact him gbojiespiritualtemple@gmail.com or contact him via his whatsapp phone number +2349066410185.or contact him on his website : http://gbojiespiritualtemple.website2.me



























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  25. Don't known if here is the right to say this, I'm one of the persons that have benefited from Dr. Ogbeifun Love Spell. Dr Ogbeifun appeared in the middle of my life when all hope was lost. I gave up on life and thought the best way to cure my broken heart was to take my life after I tried several processes to reunite with my husband who dumped me after two years of our marriage for another lady but none of my efforts worked. I made up my mind to continue with my suicide plan before a strange spirit came over me like a rain and ministered to me to search online. After seeing so many talks about Dr. Ogbeifun Temple, I reluctantly searched and found amazing testimonies and recommendations about him which encouraged me to contact him via his email. He replied and asked me to wipe away my tears and quit any act to take my life; he said that my case is solvable after consulting his Oracle. Well, here I am today thanking Dr. Ogbeifun for saving my life and bringing back my Husband. We are so happy today and happier than we have ever been. He also helped me stop my cardiac arrest problem. I am so grateful for being among the people sharing this testimony. Contact him at this email ogbefunhearlingtemple@gmail.com call or add him on whatsapp +2348102574680 website https://ogbefunhearlingtem.wixsite.com/spell

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  26. I don't known if here is the right forum to say this I am very glad for what Prophet Ogbeifun did for me i meant dr ogbeifun through a friend he helped win a court case of divorce few months ago and when i contacted him he help me to cast a death spell on my mother inlaw who was really troubling my life and future, she never wanted my progress, each time I get a job from a company, I get drove back because of the witch craft mother inlaw I have, I never knew my mother inlaw was the one troubling me, until one day I contacted Dr Ogbeifun for help and he told me Justine my mother inlaw is the one troubling me and he help me to cast unto her a death spell. I am happy because the evil doer is dead and ever since then my life have turn around for good things now work fine for me and am now a happy living beautiful with my family, thanks to Dr Ogbeifun. i recommend you to dr Ogbeifun if you have any kind of problem he will help you restore your marriage life back again. contact him call/whatsapp him via +2348102574680

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