Saturday, August 23, 2014

Hard things, Good things


I’ve been a bit quiet this year. On this blog, anyway. I could blame it on many things—traveling back from the States to Indonesia, caring for my young kids, busy overseas living, chances to serve, homeschooling my kindergartner, time spent on other writing endeavors.

But it wouldn’t be completely true.

And one thing I wanted to do when I started this blog a few years ago was to write true things. But not just true things, hope-filled true things.

Writing helps me make sense of the sometimes heart-breaking life here and my own frustrating limitations and my usually too-small faith. Writing takes the fatigue-filled, sweaty, confusing muddle in my head and creates some sense and hope and connection with you.

This year, there’s been a lot of muddle.

And this year, too, I’ve written a lot. I just haven’t put it on here.

Some of it’s stuff that didn’t have enough truth in it yet. Other stuff, not enough hope yet. But most of it is just too private to share as specifics to the whole world. Or at least to whoever is listening here.

But as I think and process and write, this is what I can say now. This year has been full of hard things, but also full of good things. And they came together, like the life-sucking heat and humidity that come with these gorgeous life-giving blue skies here in Borneo.

We see it all the time in the world: war happens and we hear of heroes, sickness spreads and we learn about acts of compassion, terrorism attacks and we see stories of forgiveness.

But then you probably already know that in your own life.

When we are stretched, we grow.  When we are at our weakest, that’s when we see how strong we can be. When we think we can’t do it anymore, we can look back and see how far we’ve already come.

When we are stuck thinking God is small, He brings us through something that shows us how big He really is.

And for me, I’ve spent years fighting things in this place—culture shock, hard things that just shouldn’t happen, my own exhaustion, disappointments in others, in myself, by others in me. And then there was a moment this year when I wondered if I’d lose this place, wondered if I’d have to leave, wondered if the struggle would finally be over and I could just go home. 

Whatever "home" means anymore.

And that’s when I realized I wanted to stop fighting this place and instead, wanted to fight for this place. Fight for my place in this place. Fight for the right to struggle and be stretched and grow and change, And the right to be here, being a part of the lives of others I know who are doing the same.

I’ve seen other good things in the midst of the hard things, too. I know now what grace means. The kind of grace that comes in the form of friends who take us in at our lowest, our worst, our weakest and just sit with us in it, then walk with us out of it.

I know now what trust is—how it means opening my hands that have been clenching tight my most valued treasures. Not many treasures at this point. Nothing material. I’ve left my home country, given up watching my siblings’ babies grow up, given up ever having non-frizzy hair. But as I open up my hands with those few deeply valued things left, I watch God—not take them from me as I’d always feared—but fill my open hands and life with more amazing things

I know that while this life often demands sacrifice, it’s not my sacrifice that saves others, that saves my family, that saves me. It’s His.


I know that while I’m still shaking a bit on the inside, it’s no longer from fear, but from wonder.

19 comments:

  1. I read your blog and am blessed to know you and watch your life unfold so beautifully as you and your husband serve so far away in distance but so close in my heart,

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My names are Ashley Vivian, Am here to share a testimony on how Dr Raypower helped me. After 1/5 year relationship with my boyfriend, he changed suddenly and stopped contacting me regularly, he would come up with excuses of not seeing me all the time. He stopped answering my calls and my sms and he stopped seeing me regularly. I then started catching him with different girls several times but every time he would say that he love me and that he needed some time to think about our relationship. But cannot stop thinking about him so i decided to go online and i saw so many good talk about this spell caster called Dr Raypower and i contact him and explain my problems to him. He cast a love spell for me which i use and after 24 hours, my boyfriend came back to me and started contacting me regularly and we moved in together after a few months and he was more open to me than before and he started spending more time with me than his friends. We eventually got married and we now have been married happily for 3 years with a son. Ever since Dr Raypower helped me, my partner is very stable, faithful and closer to me than before.You can also contact this spell caster and get your relationship fix Email: urgentspellcast@gmail.com see more reviews about him on his website: http://urgentspellcast.website2.me Call or WhatsApp: +1 (424) 330-8109





      My names are Ashley Vivian, Am here to share a testimony on how Dr Raypower helped me. After 1/5 year relationship with my boyfriend, he changed suddenly and stopped contacting me regularly, he would come up with excuses of not seeing me all the time. He stopped answering my calls and my sms and he stopped seeing me regularly. I then started catching him with different girls several times but every time he would say that he love me and that he needed some time to think about our relationship. But cannot stop thinking about him so i decided to go online and i saw so many good talk about this spell caster called Dr Raypower and i contact him and explain my problems to him. He cast a love spell for me which i use and after 24 hours, my boyfriend came back to me and started contacting me regularly and we moved in together after a few months and he was more open to me than before and he started spending more time with me than his friends. We eventually got married and we now have been married happily for 3 years with a son. Ever since Dr Raypower helped me, my partner is very stable, faithful and closer to me than before.You can also contact this spell caster and get your relationship fix Email: urgentspellcast@gmail.com see more reviews about him on his website: http://urgentspellcast.website2.me Call or WhatsApp: +1 (424) 330-8109

      Delete
    2. Hi everybody. I recently saw a testimony about Dr. Abaka in a blog I visit for relationship and dating counseling problems because i had been having serious issues with my boyfriend and we had been dating for six months, he just suddenly changed, he wasn't returning my calls,he started cheating,he was hurting me in many ways i never thought possible and I just thought I should try it*maybe out of desperation of some sort*..and I contacted Dr. Abaka ..At first everything felt dreamy and unbelievable, his consultations and solution was a little bit easy and strange and I was scared a little coz I heard read and heard lots of stories of fake spell casters,scams and i never really believed in magic..I played along with a little hope and and faith and I sent some few stuffs after everything and it worked like a miracle,everything went to a while new direction,it was and is amazing...I guess it was all good faith that made me read That particular post that faithful day..I hope he could help other people too like he did for me...I did a little and I got everything I wanted and wished for*my husband,my family and my life back. E-mail: drabakaspelltemple@gmail.com or contact him on whats App him +2349063230051 or visit http://drabakaspelltemple.blogspot.com

      Delete
  2. Thank you so much, Connie! You've encouraged me today.

    ReplyDelete
  3. You need a good visit from your old walking buddy! However, I have since graduated to running (albeit, it is now on a treadmill...a little easier on my old knees) :-) Blessings to you, girlfriend, as you "wonder" in God's grace and steadfastness! Miss you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ronda! Yes, I do! Oh my that would be so fun to go running with you...miss you!

      Delete
  4. Wow thank God I found your blog. You're such an inspiring woman. It's not easy leave your country and serving in another country.
    God bless you and your family and every single thing of your life.

    but can I ask you something? where exactly do you live n Borneo?

    ReplyDelete
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    well!! I'm Cassie Tiffany from texas, USA...I just found out about my husband cheating on me with a co-worker! We’ve been married going on two years. 2kids. lots of amazing momments together. i want to leave, but i love him so much. all i can think about is how nothing stopped him. how he has to see her everyday because they work together. we are both still young and very attractive. but i want my husband, my friend, and the father of my beautiful children. how do i get past the thought of another woman having my husband? Not my fiancé, not my boyfriend, but my husband! i still love him even though he thinks i want to leave i really want him to do better and stop me before i walk out! my husband told me that he doesn’t feel loved anymore, just because of this co-worker he has be cheating on with me that he wants a divorce, i was devastated, heart broken i begged him to listen to me that we can work it out like we always do, but he didn’t listen, he told me that he met someone that loves and understands him, i begged him to consider our kids but he’s did listen. he left and i was frustrated, i began searching for help and answers, then i heard about a man that can Cast a spell to remind him of all the things we have been through together, at first I was scared then i decided to give it a try, and like magic my husband came back, apology and begging for forgiveness, thanks to this man, I’m posting this to help people with similar issues. You can contact him for help too. happylovespell2@gmail.com for more details Whatsapp and call...+2348133873774 You can also view on his Blogs site... https://happylovespell2.blogspot.com.ng/

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  13. My name is Handford Ann,i base in canada.i want to share my wonderful testimony on how i got back my ex-lover of my life back, he left me for another woman for no reason and i try to make things work for both of us yet things where getting worse and i love him so much and there is nothing i could do to get my ex back until i met a testimony share by Maria from USA on the internet talking about a powerful spell caster who brought his ex lover back within 48hours and i decide to give it a try and to my greatest surprise he also did it for me just as he did for Maria and i have a lot of people complaining of fake spell caster but this one i met was a real spell caster who help me to solve my problem i have no solution to,i introduce many of my best friends that have a similar problems,and their problem were solve with the great help of Dr.Trust. They get back their ex within 48 hours. I am so happy that my ex is back to me again,and the most surprise,is that our love is very strong,every day is happiness and joy. and there is nothing like been with the man you love.i am so happy my love is back to me with the help of Dr.Trust. If you have any problem in your relationship i will advice you to contact him now (Ultimatespellcast@yahoo.com or Ultimatespellcast@gmail.com) His website for more testimony of him: http://utimatespellcast.blogspot.com Call or Text him now +1(317) 762-7416

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  15. My names are Ashley Vivian, Am here to share a testimony on how Dr Raypower helped me. After 1/5 year relationship with my boyfriend, he changed suddenly and stopped contacting me regularly, he would come up with excuses of not seeing me all the time. He stopped answering my calls and my sms and he stopped seeing me regularly. I then started catching him with different girls several times but every time he would say that he love me and that he needed some time to think about our relationship. But cannot stop thinking about him so i decided to go online and i saw so many good talk about this spell caster called Dr Raypower and i contact him and explain my problems to him. He cast a love spell for me which i use and after 24 hours, my boyfriend came back to me and started contacting me regularly and we moved in together after a few months and he was more open to me than before and he started spending more time with me than his friends. We eventually got married and we now have been married happily for 3 years with a son. Ever since Dr Raypower helped me, my partner is very stable, faithful and closer to me than before.You can also contact this spell caster and get your relationship fix Email: urgentspellcast@gmail.com see more reviews about him on his website: http://urgentspellcast.website2.me Call or WhatsApp: +1 (424) 330-8109

    ReplyDelete
  16. Don't known if here is the right to say this, I'm one of the persons that have benefited from Dr. Ogbeifun Love Spell. Dr Ogbeifun appeared in the middle of my life when all hope was lost. I gave up on life and thought the best way to cure my broken heart was to take my life after I tried several processes to reunite with my husband who dumped me after two years of our marriage for another lady but none of my efforts worked. I made up my mind to continue with my suicide plan before a strange spirit came over me like a rain and ministered to me to search online. After seeing so many talks about Dr. Ogbeifun Temple, I reluctantly searched and found amazing testimonies and recommendations about him which encouraged me to contact him via his email. He replied and asked me to wipe away my tears and quit any act to take my life; he said that my case is solvable after consulting his Oracle. Well, here I am today thanking Dr. Ogbeifun for saving my life and bringing back my Husband. We are so happy today and happier than we have ever been. He also helped me stop my cardiac arrest problem. I am so grateful for being among the people sharing this testimony. Contact him at this email ogbefunhearlingtemple@gmail.com call or add him on whatsapp +2348102574680 website https://ogbefunhearlingtem.wixsite.com/spell

    ReplyDelete

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