I was
just trying to practice my language. Try out this new Indonesian word I’d
learned. The word for talisman. Or charm. Or in simple English, some physical
object believed to have special powers.
I asked
the sister of my friend who I’d known for years if she’d ever had one. She
showed me hers—a string of rocks that she wore around her waist. She told me
her mother gave them to her.
Her mother, the witch doctor. The powerful
witch doctor who spends her nights dispensing her powers to whoever needs them.
Her
mother, in whose home I’d brought my kids to play. Her mother who always has a
smile for me, and a hot meal for me, and an afternoon free to chat.
Her
mother, who, when she gets angry, has enough strength to throw motorcycles. And
who people believe has special magical powers to bless and curse. To heal and
make sick. The woman who says a spirit came to her as a child and convinced her
to let him control her so she could have power.
And
when my friend told me this piece of news that was truly new to me, I felt
sick. With fear.
I’m a
westerner who believes in science. God, too, of course. But not magic. Not
witchdoctors, Not curses and fortune telling and spells.
And I
found myself among people who believe in very dark things. And even if I am not
convinced about the power to curse, I certainly don’t like the motive behind
it. That motive that wants to hurt others. That wants to control people. That
wants the worse for someone else.
And it
scared me.
I went
home and didn’t return to my friend's house for days. Fear paralyzed me from doing what I'd previously enjoyed doing. And then Brad reminded me
of what I believe.
That I
have Someone bigger than curses and death and evil. That He protects and
strengthens and gives life. And that He cares. For me. For my kids. For my friend who is the
witch doctor.
As I
mentioned last time, I’ve learned that we should not be driven to serve by
guilt. And so that brings me to the second motive that should not be part of
our ministry.
We should not be paralyzed from serving
because of fear.
If I let myself think about
my life on this small island, I could come up with a long list of fears.
Cobras. Terrorism, Earthquakes. Tsunamis. Dengue fever. Airplane crashes. Motorcycle
wrecks. My children being harmed.
I have other fears that may seem
small and silly to others. The fear that my kids will live their lives confused
about who they are and where they are from. The fear that I’ll miss out on so
many more things in my stateside family’s lives.
And
when it comes to serving, sometimes I fear rejection. Sometimes I fear that
I’ll say the wrong thing, or not understand what someone is saying to me.
Sometimes I fear that I’ll get it wrong. That I’ll mess up.
But
when I let fear stop me, I miss out on the joy of serving, the joy of seeing
things change, the joy of watching Him overcome evil. When I give into fear, I
give up on trust.
Guilt can be overcome with grace. And fear can be overcome with courage. Both
grace and courage can clear the way for God to do His thing in others and in
our own hearts. But how do we get those abstract things into our real, messy lives?
Next time, I’ll begin to share the
healthy motivations for service that can give us the grace and courage to
serve.
photo credit, Au Kirk
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