Living in the Pauses

The pain rips through my abdomen, settling into my back.

I pause, having no other choice but to stop and breathe through yet another contraction that goes nowhere.

I’m supposed to wait to have this baby. Brad isn’t yet here with me in Singapore, instead, stuck in Indonesia due to a delayed visa from the government. So, I pause, and slow down and try to get this baby to wait for Daddy.

Her pain—my neighbor’s pain—presses into her curved back.

I pause, watching her face, Then I slowly, carefully massage hands that can no longer open on their own, this sickness turning my neighbor—prematurely—into  an old lady. If I move too quickly, press too hard, I am afraid she’ll break. So, I pause, listening to her broken voice through her inner heart pain.

His pain—from my 4-year-old son’s hurt—leaks out through his tears.

I pause, listening to his words, wondering how many times I’ve missed moments like these in my busy mama tasks. But I don’t want to spend these years simply getting stuff done. Instead, I want to spend the time getting to know my kids’ hearts.

I’m not very good at the pausing. Preferring to move quickly than to slow down. Wishing I could get more stuff done in a place filled with endless delays.  My ideas always bigger than the nap times available to accomplish them.

But then again, sometimes the best things happen during the pauses. Hearts are heard. Prayers are whispered. Pain is soothed. Energy is restored. Thoughts are ordered. Life is relished. Love is given...and received.

So, I pause, enjoying a short break before this baby arrives and I will have to keep moving, bouncing a fussy baby while I make dinner, eat, do life. Soon getting less done with my days, while somehow accomplishing the most important thing.

And even in the pausing, there’s no time to stop completely. The other kids are calling. The concerns of ministry continue to fill my mind and heart. Dinner still needs to be made. But in the pauses I do have, I breathe and listen and pray and rest.

In this busy season, do you have time a moment to pause?

photo credit, VinothChandar